you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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