When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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