i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
