i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
