I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
