if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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