I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
