I wish I could teleport
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
