You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The ass gains better be worth it
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