I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
