I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
