i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
