Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
be right there i have to get my cape
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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