One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
