Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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