The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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