oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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