When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
