$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
