Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
