well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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