thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
