So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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