Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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