Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
