forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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