I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
