At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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