Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
