If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize