barbara walters just said penis...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
