Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
