did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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