Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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