he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
