I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
