you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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