I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
