I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
