apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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