haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
