You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
