I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
