Im at strip club and am horny
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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