my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
