We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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