He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I believe in your delicious
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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