Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So vagazzling was a success
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
