yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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