I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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