This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize