I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
