benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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