Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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