I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dignity is for republicans.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
