I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
