so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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