You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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