Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize