this beer tastes like vomit already
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
