Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Terrible idea I love it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
