First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
