I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
