You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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