Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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