Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
