Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
