I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
