Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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