I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
