just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
