I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize