when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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