My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
