thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
