worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
