note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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