So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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