hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
