I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
