if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
