you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
