Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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