The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my poor anus
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
