Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
