i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
