Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
