Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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