i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
