She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
