In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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