my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
