The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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