just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
