the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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