Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
