Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
