So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
