i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Everything about him screamed your future.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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