I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
