Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
