Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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