I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
